Another Vessel in a Winter Coat

I am empty. I am hollow. It comes in waves, some longer than others. I let these waves wash over me and just let it happen. I simply exist when these emotions take over me but I do not live fully. It’s a weird sort of in between. 

The line “Another Vessel in a Winter Coat” comes from a song entitled “Red Line” by 5 Seconds of Summer. This song has spoken to me ever since it was released. I deeply relate to the lyrics and I find comfort in this song. It notes themes of uncertainty, longing, and the feeling of being lost or disconnected. The song captures the sense of emptiness that accompanies influential experiences with others, where despite being surrounded by people, there's a deep-rooted feeling of dissatisfaction that lies within me.

Cyanotype was chosen as a medium for this project because they evoke feelings of solitude. The blue hues emphasize the stereotypical connection to sadness which was intentional. The cyanotype process can be imperfect which creates ambiguity that I find to be ideal with this project.  

The lyrics are attached to the coat and therefore attached to me. These words speak volumes to my being and my persona. “I thought I could repair myself.” “Am I just waiting for my time to go?” “Always looking back and I don’t know why.” These words sit on my body like tattoos. The images presented that are stitched into the coat depict myself overlooking a city, highlighting the disconnect I feel from everyone else in this world. As if I only have myself and I could never truly connect with another being on this Earth. This coat is me, personified. All my emotions spill onto this jacket like waves.